How to make friends as an adult (when it feels impossible)
Making friends as an adult takes two things: working with the fear that holds you back, and repeatedly putting yourself where people are. Good friendships often start simply: an event, a message, a walk, a coffee, a conversation.
Why it happens
After school and university, friendships stop happening by themselves. You have to create them, and that can feel exposing.
Often the block is inside: fear of rejection, not knowing what to say, feeling different.
When I lived in Sydney, I joined a Meetup where I didn't know anyone. I just talked to people, and quickly met someone who became a good friend.
The one-week social challenge
- Find one social event this week: a Meetup, a walking group, a language café.
- Before you go, name your biggest fear in one sentence.
- At the event, talk to three people. Ask what brought them there.
- Afterwards, send one message: "Nice to meet you. Coffee some day?"
- Success means you took the initiative. Not that everyone said yes.
Watch: No friends. Now what?
Questions people ask
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
Fewer natural meeting places, and often inner fears that make taking initiative feel risky.
Where can adults meet new friends?
Meetups, walking groups, language exchanges, hobby groups and local Facebook groups.
How do I get over the fear of reaching out?
Name the fear, start small, and remember that taking the initiative is the success.
Want to work through this with someone?
I work one to one with men and women, online, in English or Danish. Start with a free 30-minute call. No pressure.
Related guides
- Feeling lonely even when you have friends
- Feeling lonely after moving to a new city
- Fear of rejection: where it comes from and how to work with it
Written by Gin, inner work guide. This guide is not therapy. If you are in crisis, call 112.